The possibility of new…

Unlike many things in my life…the one stable part of my life is my career. I have been in the same industry since I was a senior in high school. Granted I have moved from position to position…company to company…but they have all been finance focused. I chose this profession because I was good at it…numbers, compliance, regulatory, accounting…I just have a head for it. Do you want to know how much to sell in order to cover your margin call? Or what the requirement is on a naked option? Maybe you are interested in what an inverse saucer is? I know the answers to all these questions and many more. Throw any problem my way and I will find the answer…ask me to do anything and I will find a way…will I ever bullshit you if I don’t know the answer, no. I am good at what I do which is why people rely on and trust me when I am working with them. I love how I can figure out the most complex puzzles and provide a great client experience…but if you ask me if I love my job, well…the answer would quite possibly be no.

When I was a child I wanted to be an Opthamologist. Weird I know…but that is what I wanted to do. Seemed like a good job until I found out that you are operating on people’s eyes. Then I went into Psychology and realized that I didn’t want to hear other people’s problems all the time. Most of the time I don’t even like people around me let alone have to hear them whine about their problems…I would probably go nuts. I considered a job in Sales Management however that would involve not only talking to people but working weekends and possibly holidays…absolutely an incentive killer for me. As I got older I found an affinity towards cooking…and found out that I do that quite well. I have a knack of retaining lots of information and can remember most recipes at the drop of a hat. I know when the flavors are off and what can be added to balance it out. I have a discerning palate when it comes to restaurant food and can tell the difference between manufactured sauce to a demi made from veal bones. However, I realized that I am not made for the restaurant world…I cannot for the life of me balance orders of different people coming in a different times…all wanting something on the side or something without fat. I also realized that many people in the restaurant industry make squat which couldn’t support any sort of lifestyle that I would be comfortable with. But through all of that…something in the back of my mind still draws me towards food.

Right now is not the time to change jobs…especially where I am working because of the current work situation. However, you might see me making a step in a different direction once I get everything settled. After all…I don’t have to be a chef in a restaurant in order to work with food.

 

Cookbooks

I have been getting back into my costly yet highly fulfilling hobby of perusing cookbooks. I remember several years back when I could spend hours reading and flipping through cookbooks of all kinds. From Chinese to American…grilling to steaming…they all intrigue me. I have acquired quite a collection over the years and my latest find was as KCTS Cooks Cheese book at the local Goodwill. I found that people donate hundreds of cookbooks and since my hobby can turn into a costly one, going to the Goodwill to buy them can save me lots of money. Normally the KCTS Cooks cookbooks are only for sale through a donation to PBS…which is a minimum of $50. I got my cookbook for the low price of $1.99 so I was quite pleased as I emerged from the Goodwill feeling quite victorious…cookbook in hand.

A few of my recent finds include not only the aforementioned cookbook but also a Flavors of China cookbook from the Chinese Parent Service Organization (1975) and The Legacy of the Japanese Cuisine in Hawaii cookbook from the Japanese Cultural Center of Hawaii (1989). Next to getting a good bargain on an expensive cookbook, obtaining old church or association cookbooks are like finding GOLD for me! These old cookbooks are filled with old recipes which in my mind are the best. You see…with all the new found gastronomical cooking methods and kitchen aids, cuisinarts, and splendas out there all the old recipes are being lost. Heck…most of us seek out the restaurants that make the “home-style” cuisine and recommend them to friends because the tastes enthrall us. All the new cookbooks are filled with fusion cuisine written by “fresh new faces” who do nothing more than change the food of the old country by adding a dash of Asian and a pinch of American so they can create something new…albeit tasty…but not traditional. And tradition is what we crave…it is what takes us back to the kitchen’s of our mothers and envelops us like our blanky from our youths.

Soap box riding? Yes I am…but I am riding all the way to a past that brings me back to eating at the restaurant in SF with the dumwaiter system…back to the tiny mom and pop shops of Tokyo…and back to where food was plentiful and soul satisfying…not sous vide and bathed in nitrogen. As Brillat-Savarin said, “Tell me what you eat and I’ll tell you who you are”…and let me tell you, I do not bathe in an immersion circulator of chemicals.

The Legacy of the Japanese in Hawaii

If you are going to eat Teriyaki…make your own. It isn’t hard and tastes 100x better!

Basic Teriyaki Sauce
Yields 3 1/2 cups

2 C Shoyu
1 C Brown Sugar
1 Clove Garlic – crushed
1 1/2 tsp Ginger – grated
1/2 C mirin

-Mix over low heat, serve over your favorite meat.

Flavors of China

If you read my last post…these are one of my favorite dim sum items!

Curry Turnovers
Yields 4 dozen

3 C Flour
1 C Margarine
(Cut margarine into Flour)
1 C Scalded Milk
1 Egg
1 tsp Salt
1 pkg Dry Yeast (softened in 1 TSBP of Water)
2 TBSP Sugar

-Add beaten egg, sugar, salt, and milk. Mix in yeast to mixture and add to flour and margarine. Cover and refrigerate overnight.

1 lb. Ground Beef
1 C Chopped Onion
1 1/2 C Finely chopped Cabbage
3 tsp Curry Powder
1/2 C Chicken Broth
2 tsp Cornstarch mixed with 2 tsp Water

-Brown beef, onion, and cabbage. Add remainder of seasonings and thicken with cornstarch mixture. Refrigerate overnight.

- Roll like pie crust and cut out in small rounds. Fill each round with 1 TBSP with meat mixture and crimp edges. Brush with egg and let rise for 30 mins. Bake at 375*F for 18 mins.

 

Dim Sum

Photo from : http://www.harinari.wordpress.com/2007/10/20/dim-sum/

My family wasn’t big on dim sum when I was younger…we were more of your “order three or four big dishes and share” kind of people.   I remember going once and was intimidated…actually more like scared of the ladies pushing the carts.  I mean if you think about it they can be quite pushy…shoving dishes of food onto your table…talking with a tone that implies “Come on take it…you know you want it”.  In my “have to justify everything” kind of mind I figured that the reason why they were so pushy was because everything they sold on their cart was what they made and if they didn’t sell it then they wouldn’t get paid.  It wasn’t the pushy ladies with the steaming carts that will burn you if you aren’t paying attention nor the crazy Asian people who will sometimes give you a crazed look for taking the dish they had their eye on.  I am not exactly sure why my family didn’t frequent dim sum more often…I just assume that it just wasn’t my families cup of tea.

When I got older I started frequenting different dim sum establishments with friends and learned what to order and what to steer clear of.   Now…don’t get me wrong…people have the right to eat whatever they want and if you’re the kind of person who gets turned on by Chicken Feet or Tripe then more power to you.  I will gladly pull that steaming plate off the cart and watch as you gnaw the cartilage from the feet and chew that stomach lining.   But will I partake in what would appear as heaven on a plate to you?  No.  I know that I shouldn’t be so squeamish but my eyes play a big part in my dining experience…and no matter how much I admire Andrew Zimmern for eating what most people won’t I can’t do what he does and that  means sans any feet, testicles, or anything that came from the inside of the animal.

Dim sum comes in so many varieties…each restaurant serving your typical har gow or sui mai yet also offering a smattering of not so typical dishes.  These are by far my favorite items…I will usually seek them out and if they aren’t available on the carts I will specifically order them from the waitress. 

Curry Beef Bun

These delicious flaky morsels of goodness are always a treat.  It seems the BBQ Pork ones are more popular here so I can’t find too many of the curry variety.  However when I do find them I am sure to order extra so I can have a yummy midnight snack.

 

 

 

Steamed Rice Roll with Donut

Ahhh…yes!  One of my all time favorites.  You have to eat it somewhat quickly as the donut tends to soften if you wait too long.  They never have these on the carts so you have to special order them…a dim sum meal is never complete without one dish of these soft, steamy, and crunchy rolls.  (photo courtesy of biggestmenu.com)

 

 

 

Sesame Ball

Who wouldn’t love a crispy sesame exterior, a layer of chewy mochi, and a rich sweet red bean paste interior.  These are my favorite dim sum dessert…I would pick them over an egg tart any day of the week.  (courtesy of wikipedia.org)

 

brrr….fall is here.

Fall is definitely upon us here in the Pacific NW.  I realized this the other day when I walked outside and noticed the amber, brown, tan, and yellow colors surrounding me as I walked beneath the familiar trees in my neighborhood.  On one side I think that it has come too soon…that I am not ready to feel the chill of the morning air and be enveloped in darkness at 5pm.  On the other hand…this summer was awful…sweltering on most days with frequent sun burns and fan filled nights.  Even though I wish there were a few more weeks until winter coat and scarf season I do have to say that the Pacific Northwest is possibly the best place to be during the fall…we are known as the evergreen state for a reason and when all the trees turn colors it brings a sort of magic to the air. 

For Halloween this year we are going to a Pumpkin Patch.  I haven’t been to one of these since elementary school.  In fact…there are pictures of me knee deep in pumpkins and I don’t have the faintest memory of being there.  These days everyone goes to the grocery store and picks a pumpkin from the bins outside so going to an actual patch should be fun and bring back memories of youth.  We are all headed for the South47 Farmlocated in the Sammamish Valley.  They offer a variety of pumpkins…large and small…green and orange…to accomodate everyone’s design aesthetic.   This year I am going for the good ole Jack-O-Lantern pumpkin…it has been awhile so lets pray I walk away unscathed. 

Are any of you planning on carving pumpkins this year?  What sort of ideas do you have?  I am always on the look out for new and cool craft ideas.

 

Oregon Coast

Maybe it is the cold fall breeze that is enveloping the Pacific Northwest…the shorter days and cooler nights…that is making me feel drained.  People have always told stories of the affects of SADD on this region but we have had a fair amount of sun these past days so I find it hard to believe that is the reason I have been feeling kind of gloomy.  Lately I have been waking up ritually at 2:29am and not being able to fall back asleep until close to 4am.  Not sure what internal clock is sounding in my head at that exact time but that is the way it has been for a while now…perhaps that is what is causing this feeling.  It is probably a melange of things happening in my life right now…lack of sleep…the change in weather…the trying relationship I still have with my ex because we still have financial obligations tying us together.  It is time to look on the brighter side of things but I can’t shake this gloomy cloud over my head. 

This weekend will be a long Laborious journey to the Oregon Coast.  Ok…well not really Laborious but I had to throw it in because, well…you know…oh well.   We are heading down to Seaside OR for some R & R.  It is supposed to rain on Saturday and Sunday which is kind of a bummer considering this is my first vacation in awhile but I am sure it will still be nice to go sightseeing in the various seaside towns despite any precipitation.   I am starting to get back into the knick knack collecting and decided to start up with my ornament collection again.  Christmas is one of my favorite holidays and whenever I am out and about a cute ornament is something I always keep an eye out for.  The other favorite…well Kelsey would know since we searched all over another state to find it.  And while we are not traipsing around the antique and tourist shops we will be exploring the bounty of the Pacific Northwest.   Some beach walking, minor hiking, possibly fishing or crabbing (weather permitting) which means that it is time for picnicking.  Enjoying meals while partaking in the beautiful outdoors is always refreshing and perhaps that will help shake this funk surrounding me.

 

Its done…

Walking into the court today brought memories back of the day I got married. There are definitely times that you will always remember and the day I said “I do” sounded throughout my head as I answered the question “Do you believe your marriage to be irretrievably broken?” The same response to two different questions, both memorable events but with two very different outcomes. Both times elicited tears…whether of joy or pain…it evoked an emotion that we both shared. A single moment where we both felt the same pangs of emotion that only us two will ever share. Although divorce is a sad ending to what was supposed to be a happy beginning it is done and for the best.

After finishing up at the clerk’s office we decided we would get some lunch so we could talk. Granted it probably wasn’t the best time to speak but who knows when the next time will be. We sat down to some Chinese food in the ID and while waiting for food discussed events that have recently transpired. In my previous post I called him a selfish sorry excuse for a human being. Those were words written out of anger and I had every right to express how I felt. Now looking back…I still see how he has been selfish but the latter part of that statement is too harsh. As we slurped soup and chowed down on curry brisket my apology was dually noted and we ended lunch on a rather amiable note.

For those in my life who have shared my feelings through this wearing time…thank you very much for your support. It means the world to me that through this blog I can reach out to friends that I am not able to speak with on a daily basis and receive encouragement to make it through this tough time. To those who know of the situation but are not in direct contact with me…all I can say is that you have the right to your opinion. Divorce is a harsh time no matter who initiates the proceedings…it takes a toll on everyone involved but it is ultimately up to those two individuals to make amends and set things right.

With that said I will leave you with this…if you are interested in what goes on in my life then you are welcome to accompany me on this journey through new eyes. If you do not like what I have to say then that is your prerogative…and I respectfully ask that you leave me alone.

 

High Fidelity

Do you remember that movie High Fidelity? John Cusack with his odd features and personality that made him irresistable…revelaing his top 5 relationships/women who brought him to where he was today. I remember watching that movie multiple times…drawn in by his wit and charm…thinking about what 5 events in my life I would one day write about. Well…today is the day folks, and here they are…the Top Five most painful memories. Anxiety has been building underneath this rather stoic facade and it is time I let it out…

5. The day my parents revealed (inadvertently) that they were getting a divorce. My sister and I sat at the top of the stairs looking over the white railing and listened as my parents fought over why they couldn’t make their marriage work anymore. I was about 12 I think and I still remember the tears that welled up in my eyes as I heard them argue…

“I would do anything for you…I would ride on a white horse naked if that is what it took to save this.” my father said with a trembling voice.

“That isn’t the point Dwight…I know you would do anything. The truth is that I just don’t love you anymore.” my mother said without even a stutter.

I knew it was going to happen…I was young but not blind. Their relationship was broken and although harsh my mother was speaking the truth. Had she beaten around the bush I doubt any good would have come from it. And though I knew my father was a hot tempered Chinese man set in his ways he would concede and things would never be the same.

4. The day my dog Rusty died. I remember when I was a sophomore in high school and I begged my mother to let my have a dog. I scrounged around my jewelry box and held up the wrinkly, yellow tinged “contract” we had both signed.

Waving it proudly in her face I said,”See…right here. You signed it saying we could get a dog when you bought a house with a back yard!”

She gave in and I brought home my Rusty from the SPCA. Getting my mom to agree to the purchase was my first accomplishment…the second accomplishment being the fact that I rescued him from the pound. I gave myself a pat on the back and basked in my new albino shar pei. As the years went on I grew up and decided it was time to leave the nest…unfortunately leaving behind my wrinkly best friend. As the years past he became my grandmother’s tv watching companion and my mothers walking partner. He was like the son they never had and when my mother called me from the vet’s office saying that she had to put him down due to a cancerous lump in his intestines I could hear the sadness in her voice. I cried because I had lost a friend but cried even more because my grandmother and mother had lost their faithful companion.

3. Beginning a conversation with,”Now don’t get too upset, he will be alright…so you don’t have to fly down here right away,” is not the best way to start things off. I grew paler and paler as the news of my father’s accident seeped into my ears through the phone. My mom assured me that he was in the emergency room and that she was sure he would be OK but I knew somewhere in my heart that he needed me.

As I entered the emergency room the next day I walked into a room where my father laid, his head swollen to twice the normal size. Tubes running in and out of him controlling his breathing and monitoring the pressure in his brain. He had falled from 8 feet above and landed on the cement cracking open the right side of his skull. The swelling was due to the impact and because of the blood seeping into his skull. His brain was bleeding, he was unconscious, and the doctor’s said he had less than a 5% chance of making it through this. As I sat down next to him in the room I cried…I cried because I saw the look in my grandmother’s eyes…dreading dying before her child. I cried because I was scared of how he looked…it seemed like he would never make it through. I cried because even though I had my issues with my dad I loved him and I didn’t want to say goodbye. I stayed in that room for hours….holding his swollen and cold hand with my head on his lap praying that he would be OK.

2. My maternal grandmother affectionately called Bachan passed away several years ago. And although it has been quite sometime since she passed it still feels like not too long ago I was asking her about her Japanese soap operas and game shows. I remember her peeling an apple with the dullest knife I have ever seen…one long curl of apple peel slowly falling to the table. I remember her doing her morning stretches and dancing to the Locomotion song. I remeber her saying,”tadaima” when we came home and us replying, “okaeri.” The memories bring a smile to my face but the painful part will sometimes sneak its cruel head into my brain and I remember the funeral. She was gone…her ashes weren’t even there because the funeral home had made a mistake and the ashes were currently in a plastic container rather than the lavish gold urn she had picked out all those years ago. The shinto priest called me up to say a few words on behalf of my grandmother and as I approached the microphone with speech in hand I trembled and couldn’t get a word out through the sobbing. I missed her so much…and never got to say goodbye. I wanted to speak…I really did…but my mouth wouldn’t work and my body was too full of sadness to even stand.

1. And here it is folks…number one…as John Cusack would say ,”With a bullet.” Today…yeah today. My ex-husband announces today that he is leaving for a vacation to Hawaii. After leaving me with all the bills, all the hassles, all the everything he has put me through he decides that he needs a vacation. This just tipped the scales…

With what money I ask? He replies telling me his sister is paying for it so I don’t have to worry about him spending more money. I inquire further…,”Steve what about the fact that you won’t get paid while you are in Hawaii?” Oh…he replies…I guess that is the way it is.

Why is this my # 1 with a bullet? It isn’t because he is going on a vacation I need more than him. It isn’t because he put me through all the hell I have been through these past months…no, I am a patient person and can be fairly optomistic if I need to be. This is my # 1 because it is finally coming to me just how much of a selfish sorry excuse of a human being he is. How I wasted the last 10 years of my life on this man…this man who professes to love me even to this day and yet finds a way to do the most selfish things he can. He has made me feel like a fool…like a stupid fool. Somehow…someway he has found a way to shatter the shell I have formed around myself for protection. He has literally pushed me over the edge. I am so frustrated and feel so helpless and I hate the person I am right now because I can’t do this anymore. I am strong and I am full of heart but I am down…down for the count.

So congratulations Steve…you did it. I am now the unhappiest I have ever been in my life. You made it to the top of the list…I hope you are happy.

 

Productive Fun

Arghh…..ughhhh….my arms, legs, back, and neck are sore as can be.   I must not have realized how out of shape I am.  I guess if you think about it…I did partake in planting 4 raised garden beds: 1-4×6x12 and 3-3×5x8 so I will give myself a pat on the back and overlook some of the pain but I still think I need to get back into the gym to burn some of the extra “fun in the sun…BBQ weather…burger eating…wine drinking” weight.  All in all this past weekend was a lot of fun…back breaking, neck bending fun but fun nonetheless.  I like to call it productive fun considering in a few months time I should be reaping in the bounty of the raised garden beds.   Tomatoes, onions, chives, lettuce, cucumbers, bell peppers, arugula, beets, radishes, and bok choy to be exact.  I did have plans for some different vegetables but my timing is rather unfortunate this year so I am left with some veggies that I do not normally eat.   Here are some pictures of the different gardens I worked on…I am so proud of the little plants popping their proverbial heads out of the soil searching for some sun. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Veggie Gardes, food festivals, 1st birthdays, and a cooking show with a dog?

The next couple of weekends will be quite busy for me…or atleast I hope they will.  First off  I am helping out some friends build their veggie gardens (sadly mines is put on hold until I find a new place to live).   I love growing vegetables…there is just something about growing something out of nothing that fascinates me.  A couple of years ago I grew tomatoes, peppers, onions, parsley, dill, and oregano.  I always get SOOOO giddy when I see the little green bulbs popping out from behind the little yellow flowers.  Unfortunately I am without a space for this annual hobby of mines so I picked two friends houses to experiment on. 

-For E & L’s house I am thinking tomatoes, onions, and garlic at the very least.  I think they get fairly good sun exposure at their house which would do well for all these varieties.  I also want to plant things that they will use…I mean what is the use of planting veggies that people will end up throwing away…  They eat mostly Asian food and I am not too good with identifying some of the veggies they use…maybe I will throw in some cilantro for good measure. 

-For J’s house I have already planted tomatoes, parsley, onions, and thyme.  Since the back yard only receives partial sun exposure I am planning on butter lettuce, broccoli, potatoes, and garlic.  I also factored in how late we are into the season so I wanted to ensure I picked plants that would do well in our somewhat chilly fall.  Hopefully the raised beds will be in by this weekend so I can get started on the planting.  I probably should have started the seeds but I neglected to pick them up…they will need a week or two to germinate.

 Secondly…this weekend is the Bite of Seattle…I love food festivals.   Free admission plus the advantage of sampling small bites of food from some of the top restaurants in Seattle.  Every year I walk along the food booth laden footpaths, peering into the stalls deciding what I am going to eat.  And every year as I make the hour long walk around the Seattle Center I always end up coming back to Zeiglers Bratwurst Haus and buying a corn dog.  They really aren’t anything special…just your run of the mill average corn dog but something in my mind always associates corn dogs with fairs.  Even though there are so many better options…which I may try regardless of my corn dog fettish…my tummy always grumbles for a hot crunchy corn dog slathered in yellow mustard.

 

 Thirdly, we have a very special little boy’s first birthday to attend.  I wasn’t there when he was born and wasn’t able to see him when he was very small but I have seen him grow over the last several months and boy is he changing quickly.  He learned how to crawl, stand up on his own, dances to certain songs, and has even grown a few little teeth.  I can’t wait to hear him say his first words! 

And on a funny note I will leave you with this link to this group of videos…I came across this one day while surfing you tube.  I am a food show fanatic and when I fould a show that combined authentic Japanese cooking, in English, accompanied by a cute dog named Francis who oddly enough is the host of the show I couldn’t help but post it here and share with you all.  There are about 36 of these on you tube…check it out for some good looking food and a couple of giggles here and there.

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Nothing like being home again

Stepping off the plane at SEA brought a sense of relief…a homecoming if you will but it still doesn’t compare to the elation I felt when I disembarked at SFO.   Being down in SF has made me realize how much I truly do miss being in the bay area.  The fog in the morning…blanketing the Sunset and Richmond district…the warm air that pushes through in the afternoon revealing the sun and shinning a beautiful light upon the city by the bay.  In the late afternoon / early evening I strolled along Ocean Beach admiring the beauty of the sand and surf…the smell of the  salty sea air and as I listened to the waves crashing on the beach I couldn’t help but feel relaxed.  I have said this many times before and I will say it again…there is just something about being able to look out at a body of water and not be able to see the other end.  It holds intrigue…a humbling feeling of knowing that no matter how big my problems may seem that there is a whole lot out there…a bigger world with bigger issues and endless possibilities. 

Although my previous entry expressed my apprehension for attending the wedding it turned out better than I expected.  While people did inquire about my current situation they were restrained when they saw my discomfort level with the subject and quickly changed the conversation topic.   The connection that I had with these guys is truly amazing…it was almost like I had never left and we were picking up right where we left off.  10 years or more have passed and there we were chatting and partying like I had just seen them the day before.  I really do love these guys and I hope that I can see them sometime soon.  They even invited me down to party with them again this past weekend but due to conflicting schedules I couldn’t make it on such short notice.  The people that I hung out with towards the end of my stay in SF were a group of 8  guys (pictured below minus ghe groom).  And while that may seem odd to some it felt and still feels normal to me…I think I  have always been more of “one of the guys” than anything else.  =)

Unfortunately I brought a friend’s camera and he has yet to upload any pictures.  So I have to borrow the ones from my friend Mary until I can get the ones from J’s camera. 

   The Bride and Groom!

   The beautiful bride and her bridesmaids.

   My guys…  =)

  

Mary and Me.